Respect

I was supposed to take one of the dogs to the veterinarian for a check-up. Back then, growing up, my father had an awful temper for which I was fearful. He's much better today and mellow.

"Go take Tiger," that was the dog's name, "to the vet," my father said. "Go straight there and come straight back" were my marching orders. Tiger was an active dog full of untamed energy when he was off his leash which was probably due to being kept on a chain his whole life. Looking back on it, it was an awful existence for a living creature, but I didn't know any better, and my dad ran out of time to train the dogs to stay in the yard due to working too much.

I was a young teenager who had his driver's license, long before the Graduated Driver's License program. I drove a 1985 AMC Eagle with four doors, a hatchback and vacuum operated 4-wheel drive. It was maroon and did not have wood on the side. My dad bought it to drive to work in the winter and put a lot of work into it after getting it. He put power windows, locks and new manual mirrors on it among a lot of other things. He also let me drive it to school, Imlay City High School and to Lake Korner's Grocery (now Sam's Liquor) where I worked part-time as a stock boy.

I took Tiger to the vet's office on Imlay City Road, just east of town and afterward I didn't go straight home as instructed. Instead, I wanted to go cruise around Imlay City before heading back home. "Dad would never know," I thought, "I'm not going to take too long and will be home in a reasonable amount of time."

Rather than heading west back to Arcadia Township, I went east toward Imlay City and turned south on Blacks Corners Road. Tiger was in the back seat unrestrained and mostly bouncing off the ceiling and doors full of energy. As I approached the Y-intersection of Blacks Corners Road where Attica Road merged with it, Tiger jumped up front between the seats to try and get either in my place or the other position. I tried pushing him back with my right arm while attempting to control the car as the yield sign approached quickly. I managed to keep Tiger in the back seat, but I wasn't able to control the vehicle and keep it on the road with my left hand. Tiger was a big dog and probably weighed around 65 to 75 pounds. His weight coupled with his energy was a lot to handle at 25 mph with one arm and leverage working against me.

I hit the yield sign.

I narrowly avoided going into the short, but steep ditch that separated Blacks Corners Road and Attica Road. Instead, the yield sign raked the whole right side of the car as I turned the wheel back to the left getting back on the road. It left a long scrape in the paint from the front to the back and broke the mirror off the door. The mirror stayed with us but dangled by the wiring inside of it. The damage is done, and dad would find out that I didn't do as he said.

Forget cruising Imlay City. I wasn't hurt, and neither was Tiger, but I knew I was in deep, deep trouble. My stomach twisted in 10,000 knots, and I'm sure I was sweating all of the available water left in my body on the drive back home.

In the past, as many kids do, they lie or stretch the truth when they get into trouble with their parents, and I was no different. However, due to my dad's temper and subsequent spankings and punishments I only ever made a mistake one time - never the same one twice. The absolute worst thing anyone could do to my dad was to lie to him. That was the pinnacle of no-nos. Don't ever lie to dad, but there were times when I did, and I paid the consequences for it too.

I felt like I sideswiped an iceberg, but unlike the Titanic, I survived only to face criminal prosecution and dereliction of duty by my father. How was I going to explain this? I could try buffing the paint out which in the end is all that it needed and made it look okay again. But how could I fix the mirror? I wasn't mechanically inclined, and there is no way to hide it. A hundred ideas raced through my mind on how to keep my dad from finding out as I drove home, but none of them held water.

I resolved to tell my dad the truth - before he found out on his own and came looking for me.

When I came home, I parked the car and put Tiger back on his chain and marched myself into the house and told him exactly what happened, every detail including my plan to cruise around Imlay City for a while before heading back home.

After I told him the story, standing there shaking like a scared little child, nearly peeing my pants in anticipation of the worst punishment of my life, he wasn't mad at all. All he said was, "Let's go see the car."

It was then when I learned the value of admitting my mistakes and owning them.

He told me he was proud of me. He said he gained great respect for me for coming to him and admitting my mistake and not trying to lie about it, cover it up, hide from him or deflect the blame to someone else, such as another driver. I owned my mistake, which was not coming home directly as he told me to. Because of that, he never got mad, and never punished me either.

To this day, he reminds me of that story and still tells me how proud he is of me and how much respect he has for me for not lying about it.

Through my career in the Marine Corps and here at Lapeer County, I've always owned my mistakes and admitted them to the people around me and my bosses. I believe I've earned the respect of many people in our public safety realm in Lapeer County because of this character trait of mine that I learned so long ago. Honesty and the willingness to admit mistakes and show that I've learned from them have carried me far and well.

This trait is also one that I look for in other people that I work with here and out in the public safety agencies. It helps me identify trustworthy people that I can depend on and respect.

Had I lied, tried to cover up or place blame on that crash, the outcome would have been different with my dad. I'm 40 years old now, and my dad might still be holding onto my driver's license!

I have found through my own life experiences and from examples of other's experiences, that there is no respect to be gained when we try to hide, lie or deflect mistakes.

He respected me for my honesty, and likewise, I admire others for their honesty when mistakes happen.

Everyone makes mistakes. It's how we respond to them that shows our real character and either earns us respect or not.